Faults
by fooboo24
Summary: He felt so helpless, so utterly terrified as he stared at his best friend's limp, unconscious form. This wasn't happening - it couldn't be! Rin-centric, takes place when they are younger. Sort of speculation for what happens in Episode 6. Also a little bit of Haruka/Rin if you squint and turn your head.


**They are younger in this - just saying!**

~P~

_Faults_

~P~

It was a few hours after Haruka's near-drowning experience, and Rin was sitting outside of his hospital room, perfectly still, perfectly silent. After being thoroughly checked out by a doctor, Haruka and his parents were informed of the fact that he would be needing to stay in the hospital for at least a few more days so that they could keep an eye on him and make sure what damage his lungs had taken didn't worsen.

Rin had been alone for a good while at that point - Makoto and his parents had already long since left, though it had been a long process of trying to get the taller boy to stop bawling first. Rin could still hear the unnerving ringing of Makoto's yelling and tears in his ears, and he shook his head violently to try and rid the sounds from his mind.

His own mother was still somewhere within the hospital, likely chatting about the situation at hand with Haruka's parents. Both wanted to give their children some space - Haruka needed to rest without anyone bothering him, and Rin needed time away from everything and everybody so that he could collect his own jumbled thoughts and emotions.

It was difficult for Rin not to work himself up over what had happened - the situation kept replaying over and over again in his mind. A dare gone wrong, resulting in him almost losing his best friend.

It had occurred so quickly, but Rin could recall with sharp accuracy every moment of it. It was too frightening an experience for him not to. The trio had been casually playing and walking about a relatively quieter part of their neighbourhood - nothing was out of the ordinary. They crossed over the bridge they always did, the water level below dangerously higher than normal thanks to abnormal rainfall that year. Haruka, eyes sparkling like they always did when he spotted water, had wanted nothing more than to jump into the rushing river, despite the fact that it was unsafe and he was already suffering from a cold.

It was only meant to be a joke, Rin told himself, fingers curling underneath the plastic of the seat he was sitting on, biting his tongue painfully. Haru wasn't supposed to take it so seriously - he wasn't supposed to actually take Rin's words to heart and do it.

The purple-haired boy had elbowed Haruka and teasingly dared him to go swimming in the water if he really wanted to that badly. He had flashed him a grin and pushed him down the hill that led to the bank, and with those few words of encouragement, Makoto and Rin had found themselves watching as Haruka simply strode down the incline and towards the edge of the river eagerly. Rin blinked at him, while Makoto spluttered out everything he could think of to discourage him.

"Haru! It's dangerous! The water will pull you down! Please, come back up here!"

Haruka had only given him a blunt answer back. "I know that, Makoto. Calm down, I'll be fine. Besides, I won't go in the deeper parts."

Makoto only became more frantic, thinking of more and more excuses while slowly inching down the hill himself. Rin tagged closely behind, wariness etched in his features. "Y-you're sick, Haru! If you swim, you'll only get worse! You don't want your mom to get mad at you, do you?"

"She won't find out - I won't go in long enough to get any sicker."

Makoto exchanged looks with Rin as Haruka began to untie his shoes and peel off his socks. He ran over to the black-haired boy and placed a hand on his shoulder. Another reason slipped past his lips - he was grasping at anything at this point. "It's gonna be cold, Haru… you don't want to swim in that!" Haruka stared up at him and shrugged, his eyes as bright as ever even if his bored facial expression betrayed differently.

"Like I said, I won't be in all that long." Makoto went to open his mouth again, but Haruka held up a hand and stepped forward, closer to the water. "I'll check the temperature first - I'll try to find a warmer spot, okay?" At this, Makoto's mouth closed, though his eyebrows were still drawn together in concern. Rin stood behind him, and as Haruka stepped into the calmer part of the water and a smile spread on his face at the immediate contact, so did one of his own and he jumped closer, a renewed vigour in his attitude.

"Yeah, Haru! You'll swim in anything, won't you? Don't worry, Mako," he slapped his friend on the back good-naturedly, "he'll be fine, I know it."

And all was well, but for a few minutes. Haruka stepped around the little place he was standing in, feeling about for a spot that might be favourably warmer than the frigid water currently surrounding his ankles, while Rin cheered at him and Makoto waited anxiously for it all to be done and over with. Nothing was out of the ordinary as Haruka stepped a little deeper into the water, up to his knees, and poked around with his toes in the mud. It was only when he took another step and fell into the water, head temporarily disappearing under the surface with slightly flailing arms, that the supposedly light-hearted situation became what would be one of the most terrifying scenarios in any of the boys' lives.

Makoto had immediately jumped forward to help Haruka, but Rin had held him back. "He's fine, Mako," he reassured him, nodding at the water, "he'll be back up and out in a few minutes. It's Haru - he's the best swimmer in our club. Just watch." But as seconds turned into minutes and a little head of black hair didn't reappear, Rin felt a sickening twisting in his abdomen and he just knew something was wrong.

Makoto could take it no longer, and had shoved Rin away and was screaming out for their friend, tears in his eyes and nearly falling down his cheeks. Where was he? He was nowhere in sight. Rin's chest clenched and his palms grew sweaty, his eyes searching frantically. Had a sudden, violent current carried Haru further downstream? Had he knocked his head against a rock - was he passed out and unable to swim? Had he got caught on something? Rin didn't know - all he knew was that his friend was somewhere, under that water, drowning, and there was nothing he could think of to do.

It was a few excruciatingly long seconds later that Haru's head resurfaced a few feet away from where he had originally gone under, closer to the dangerous undercurrent that threatened to drag him away at any moment. And just as they feared, his face was void of any expression, any emotion that signified that he was still conscious, still fighting, that he was still alive. Makoto had recklessly flung himself forward, reaching so desperately for Haruka while Rin stared, horrified.

This wasn't happening. It wasn't. It couldn't!

"Rin!" Makoto's voice barely broke through the haze of Rin's frightened thoughts. "Rin, help me! Please!" It was the terror in Makoto's voice that matched his own that made the purple-haired boy break out of his fear-induced trance and take a step forward - and before he knew it, he was sprinting directly into the water towards the other two, swimming with all of his might and dragging against the current as much as his body could handle and more.

The combined strength of both himself and Makoto was barely enough to break away from the rushing of the water, just barely enough to haul Haruka up the shore so that he was a safe distance away. They were damned lucky, they knew that, but they weren't going to question it.

Despite the fact that he had swallowed a considerable amount of water himself in the process and was panicking to the point where he could barely even breathe, Makoto was instantly by Haruka's side, sopping wet with tears running down his face. Rin could only stand behind him, heart racing and mind spinning. He couldn't comprehend the situation - no, he refused to. He was frozen, unmoving - utterly and completely terrified. He couldn't lose him, he couldn't lose Haru. Anything but this.

Makoto was calling to the unconscious boy, over and over again, before some sense registered in him and he placed a hand to his pulse, and the smallest hint of hope alighted in his eyes. Faint it was, but sure as the ground beneath them, a heartbeat was present, slowly pumping away. "He's alive!" Makoto all but sobbed, more so to himself than to Rin. "He's alive, he's alive!" he repeated, the relief evident in his voice, the repetition a reassurance to them both.

It wasn't long after that the few CPR skills that Makoto had were able to, in the very least, bring Haruka back to consciousness, though he, at the point, had a now raging fever and could barely keep his eyes open. It took everything in Makoto to not throw himself at Haru and pull him into a tight hug, though he could do nothing for the waterworks that spilled from his green eyes upon seeing his friend's own eyes blink.

It became increasingly apparent that Haruka was in need of immediate medical attention, and though both boys knew that it was a blessed thing that Makoto was able to make sure Haru regained consciousness again, that if they lingered too long with him in this condition that the possibility of it worsening was bound to happen.

But what were they to do? - cellphone-less twelve year olds in the middle of a sparsely populated part of town didn't exactly spell out help. The hospital was much too far away for them to take Haruka there themselves and no other ideas were coming to mind. It was only when Makoto forced himself to calm down and appropriately assess the situation that he decided that he would go off and find someone to help them - anyone. He was reluctant to leave Haruka, but he trusted Rin and he needed to get Haruka to a doctor as soon as humanly possible.

Rin only moved when Makoto had taken off down the road - he dropped to his knees beside Haru and heaved a long, shaky sigh. Those minutes that he sat there, soundlessly watching the other boy's chest rise and fall, were the longest of Rin's life. All he could do was stare at his best friend, feverish but alive, lying before him. Yet he could not bring himself to feel relieved quite yet - what if Haru got sicker because of this? Because of him? He couldn't handle this!

It seemed like an eternity that Makoto was gone and Rin was left there to stare at Haru, torn between allowing himself cry or letting the guilt eat him up. Instead he opted for remaining emotionally numb - there was just too much going on in his mind right now, too many emotions warring to take over that he couldn't process. He could feel his front slipping though; he needed some kind of comfort so that he wouldn't break down right then and there. He needed something, anything.

His eyes fell from Haruka's face, to chest, to his hand, limp at his side. Rin felt like he didn't deserve to be distracted, that he needed to deal with what he had gotten himself into all on his own. But he couldn't help himself as he slowly lifted his fingers to touch the top of Haruka's hand, and before he knew it, he was clutching it almost desperately, his grasp tight. He made not a noise, just held the other boy's hand, squeezing it for reassurance. Haru's going to be okay… Haru's going to be fine… He wouldn't even allow his mind to stray and think of the possibility that Haruka might not turn out to be okay, because he knew that would be the last straw if he did and he couldn't risk tears like Makoto had so openly displayed.

By the time Makoto returned with an adult - and an ambulance trailing shortly behind - Rin was sure he had nearly gone insane out of waiting, and he was grateful that Makoto took his place beside Haruka, for he could no longer bring himself to look at his reddening face without feeling his eyes sting and his throat constrict.

In the whirlwind of the events that followed, Rin always kept himself at a distance from Haruka but never far enough that he couldn't see him. He needed to know that he was safe, but couldn't bear to be close to him out of fear that he might cause him the same pain again. A part of him knew that he was being irrational, but his emotions weren't allowing him to be logical at that point.

And so now there he was, sitting in the same place he had been for the past several hours - in a chair right outside of Haruka's room. It was in that silent, dark hallway, all alone, that he finally allowed his numb wall to come crashing down and the overwhelming emotions that he had been keeping down to well up and out. His chest swelled and ached painfully and he bit his lip and turned his gaze to the floor as warm tears flooded and blurred his vision. It took all he had to repress a sob from escaping his mouth and instead he bit his lip harder until it felt like he had drawn blood.

There were just so many different emotions vying for dominance within him in that moment - happiness, relief, anger, fear, frustration and it hurt. It was a violent mix of a volatile feelings that were all expressing themselves at once. He was happy - so damned happy - that Haru was all right, that with a few days of rest and down time, that he would be okay; that he wasn't dead or injured. Along with this came relief - it filled his system and allowed him to relax ever so slightly.

And yet all was right, he still felt it in his core - a paralyzing fear, that was the source of his anger and frustration. The fear that he felt in the moment they had pulled him out of the water had prevented him from doing anything at all - instead, all he could do was stare while Makoto helped Haruka. He had the same level of little CPR training that Makoto did, and yet, he didn't use it. He wasn't the one to take the initiative and go and find someone to help. He couldn't think in that moment out of the crippling thought that he was losing his best friend - that someone so important to him was dying and that he was the cause of it.

He hated himself for even jokingly suggesting such a thing to Haruka; he hated that he couldn't even do anything the one time it mattered. A hand flew to his mouth to muffle the sound the threatened to leave it, and he squeezed his eyes shut and felt himself shake. It was too much, it was all too, too much for the boy to handle.

He didn't know what he would do if he had lost Haru - he cared about him so much even if he didn't show it often. He loved that boy. He was his best friend and he couldn't even begin to think of what he would happen if he wasn't by his side. Even entertaining the idea of Haruka's death made for Rin's tears to fall harder, his heart to hurt a little more.

"I'm sorry," he choked out a few minutes later, though he knew that Haruka couldn't hear him. "I'm sorry," he repeated as he cried, "I'm so, so sorry, Haru. I-I didn't mean to and I-" He couldn't finish his sentence, because it was too painful for him to speak, to think, so he instead settled for just allowing himself to finally vent in privacy.

~P~

A few days later, Rin was allowed to see Haru, who was doing phenomenally better than he was before. Rin swore that if it weren't for his already bruised ego and Haruka's weak physical condition, he would have hugged the boy. He almost burst into tears again at the sight of his friend, fine and well, and the second he went to apologize for what had happened, Haruka stopped him. A rare smile sat on the black-haired boy's face - a genuine thing that Rin didn't feel like he deserved to receive but that he took nonetheless.

"It's not your fault, Rin. I don't blame you, okay?"

It was those words and that smile that made Rin hate himself just a little bit less for what happened. It was Haru, his best friend, that made it so he could smile, too.

~P~

**Author's Notes:** My awful speculation fic regarding episode 6 (which is still four weeks away but shhhhh). I really enjoy writing speculation fics and that picture that was released as a preview bloody killed me… annnnnd so I wrote this to try and cope! I'm very mean to Rin, as you can see, even though he's my favourite. Also, I don't know anything about helping someone who has nearly drowned either, so if I got anything wrong (I likely did) then I'm sorry about that!


End file.
